How's That?

First off, let me say that this post is a rant. I will blame it on post partum blues but really, I am just in a really difficult place in life right now. So this is where I will vent.



1. I moved with a two week old baby. Sounds easy right? Wrong. Couldn't lift a finger to carry my own belongings or have a free second to help unload, unpack or organize the house. Every second is spent nursing, changing or holding a baby. And if it the brief second that he has a nap, my other 3 boys need attention. They are constantly asking me to do something for them. So, here I sit amidst the mess of boxes and scratched furniture unable to do much.

2. I have NO clothes to wear. Not that I have anywhere to go. I know not a single person. Church is calling me, but I dont have a single non maternity item to wear to church. Im stuck inside all day because I am totally embarrassed to be seen in public. Im not exaggerating here people.
The fact of the matter is, I threw away half my wardrobe before I left PA. Tons of it was clothing that I had in high school, or college stuff that was trashed. So, I did the clean out before we moved across the country and here I sit, looming triple digit weather in sight, and not a single pair of shorts to wear. Even if I hadnt just had a baby.
Furthermore, my hair hasnt been colored so Im half blonde and looking disgusting. So, I sit in the dark of this homes overly chocolate colored walls and feel sad all day. Sounds great right?

3. I have spent 200 dollars this month on Dr's visits and nebulizer medications for Tanner and Asher who both have Bronchitis and chronic coughing. Its been fun to be giving my money to doctors who need it so badly.

4. Asher who was doing well at using the bathroom, has regressed with the new baby and move. He now refuses to tell anyone he needs to go. So, back to diapers for him, since I cant function with this new baby suckling me to death all day. He will be three the end of April and I am feeling like a failure as a mother.

5. My new house is a diamond in the rough. Let me emphasise the word ROUGH! We moved in, knowing there was a little work and found out that there was LOTS of work. The house is filthy. I dont think the prior owners ever cleaned the grout in the tile, the carpets, dusted a fan or cleaned out a cabinet, cut the grass, pulled a weed, or trimmed a hedge. Its awful. Not to mention the hidden treats of finding out that the dishwasher isnt working properly, the pool is dirty and struggling, the doors dont shut right, the toilets dont flush properly, the showers are strange, the house smells funny, some of the lights dont work, etc... I could list a thousand things. Cant they allow a person who is buying a house to sleep in it just 1 night before closing? Then you would know some of this stuff. And I would have ran like hell from this house. Although, given the market, I would have found the same thing in nearly all of the short sales.These people stopped doing basic maintenance when they got an offer on the home.
Im just disappointed cuz I had very little money for repairs and now I have none. The house had no blinds so we had to spend a couple thousand dollars just to get blinds ordered. (is it strange that I wouldn't want the neighbors to see me nursing my baby in my room, or showering in my bathroom or watching TV in my garments? :)
So, that leaves ZERO for a new couch (which we need), ZERO for the new clothes I really do need so that I can live outside my home, ZERO for the new toilets we need, ZERO for the new dryer I need, since mine stopped the other night right after we moved in. ZERO for the lawnmower we have to buy. And ZERO for the few other things that HAVE to be done. (yes, I know the difference between needs and wants).

6. Kindergarten here is a joke. We moved here because the schools were ranked so high. Teachers are ranked as some of the best in the state. What we didnt know is that to enroll in all day kindergarten here you must pay for it. YEP, thats at the cost of 350 a month for me!
No wonder the teachers want to teach in this district, they make good money. It feels like economic segregation in the public schools. Not to mention educational blackmail.- they will give you a "good" public education if you pay, otherwise you get 2.5 hours of free school ( yes that is what they call "half day") that you are required by the state to attend. Even though its totally inconvenient (8-10:45) and makes the parent do alot of teaching at home anyway with homework supplements and handouts. There are 3 classes of full day kids only 1 of the half day. They dont get to do anything together based on their schedules. The office explained to me that it was "cheaper than daycare". WHAT? I thought they were getting an educational foundation started, not babysitting. DUMB!!!

Im thinking of writing a letter to the neighborhood:
--

Dear new neighbor,
We just moved in from Pennsylvania. Lucky you! We have four boys who love to scream and throw things around our backyard. If you find one of our balls please throw it back into the jungle that is supposed to be lovely landscaped bushes and trees. We will get to those as soon as the hundreds of scorpions migrate south.The prior owners liked the crickets chirping them to sleep at night, so they discontinued pest control over a year ago. At least you wont have many flies in your yard this summer, the black widows in our yard will keep them at bay.
We are Mormon, and you may think that means we dont believe in electricity so, we will take advantage of your ignorance and tell you that is why our clothes are drying on a line in the backyard ( really its because our dryer broke).We will be using the pool as our bathtub, since we cant afford a new water heater for this mistreated home. We cant afford the cooling bills that are sure to be sizable this summer since the prior owners took all the ceiling fans and screens off the windows. Plus 3700 sq ft is alot to cool in 115 degrees. You are sure to see us rotating our children through the van throughout the night to use the AC when the nights are particularly hot in the next few months. Please ignore the fat woman in white, running from the house to the garage on those nights.
We will also let you assume that we are "plain people" and dont buy our clothes at commerical stores. This should explain why mother of our family looks the way she does. Yes, she feels that good inside too!
All this should explain why our 6 year olds dont know your 6 year olds...we cant afford kindergarten so they have been thrown into the half day program at the elementary. As you know, this limits their social interactions with your "privileged" children. Therefore, we wont be invited to any of the social gatherings that would give us the opportunity to meet you in person.

Please know this letter is not to discourage you from leaving donations such as used clothing, food or other items on our porch. Clearly, we are in need of your sympathy and charity. Warmest Wishes.
Sincerely, the B Family -


Hows That?

Ok, enough of my complaining. I have no friends here, so this blog is as good as it gets for just talking to someone about my frustrations. Hopefully, you wont judge me to harshly. We all have issues. Everyones boo boo hurts. I do realize Im blessed with the things that matter most.

And oh how they put up with me during this time!!!!

I just wish money grew on trees. Publisher Clearing House can knock on my door anytime now with the gigantic check. Maybe some philanthropist named me heir to their fortune (or even just a couple thousand to fix this house up). Or, maybe a quarter stuck in a machine would ring in the jackpot for us. Darn reality!!

Welcome litte one!

We are pleased to announce the birth of our newest son!
CREW ALEXANDER BANZHAF

Born: 2/23/11
Time: 10:41 am
Weight: 6lbs 10 oz
Length: 19 inches

Birth Story:
I was scheduled for induction for Wednesday morning the 23rd at 9am. My mother in law had already been here for a week waiting for a baby we thought would be early. My mom was arriving that afternoon from Philly, so I begged for the dr to get me going so no one would miss it.
To be honest, I was scared to death. I have heard horror stories of inductions that took hours and all ended in C-sections because the body wasn't really ready to have the baby yet. So, that night I was hoping the go into labor on my own in the few hours I had left before check in.
About 3 am the morning of my induction, Zachary came in to my room running fever and asking for help. I sat up in bed when he startled me and I heard and felt a "pop". Sounded like my elbow or ankle joint cracking. But I felt it in my lower abs. Before I even stood up, I said to Mike "Did you hear that? I think my water just broke". He was still asleep and unresponsive. I stood carefully and hurried to the bathroom. Sure enough, it had. I was so happy!!- I took a shower, put on some makeup, put on clothes and went back to lay down with Mike. At this point, I had no contractions, so I wasnt in a huge hurry to get out the door. Besides, by this point, Zach had been up and put back to bed, and Asher had come in due to Zacharys noise and wanted to sleep with us. Everyone was up and trying to get back to bed. About 4:30, we left the kids with Grandma Babbel, who luckily was already here at the house sleeping. We checked in a little before 5 am. The staff was thinking I showed up early for my induction but I was happy to prove that my water had in fact broken on its own.

Once I checked in, they got my IV in and I was hooked up to see if I was contracting. I was dilated to 3cm and was 65%-70 effaced on arrival. I didnt feel any contractions, but the nurse told me I was having them about 5-7 min apart. This is always my problem (and blessing), I dont feel the contractions until its too late (Im sure you remember the Asher birth story). Since no pit drip was needed it was a waiting game.
They also informed me that they would not be checking me again unless I asked. If I was feeling a change in pressure then they would check. Otherwise, they like to touch you as little as possible down there.- I was cool with that.-

Since I had delivered Asher natural, my goal was to be med free. However, I was so anxious I couldnt sleep, so I had some Staydol put in my IV.(I had done research about pain options if needed but hadnt planned on using any as I had read that it doenst take pain away but makes you feel drunk and "takes the edge off") I must admit, it was lovely for sleeping. They were right, it made me loopy. I cant imagine using it during anytime you needed to be focused, like during pushing. It felt warm and made me sleepy, which was perfect since I wasnt in pain. I was out from 6-8 am and got some rest.
Mike left to help get kids to school and eat breakfast around 8. He returned about 9:30. At which time we thought we would go to a walk to get things going. After attempting to stand up and go for a walk. I noticed that my right leg was shaking so badly I couldnt stand on it. Gravity must have been helping when I stood becuase once I sat back down on the side of the bed, I started hard, heavy contractions. After about 30 min of sitting on the bedside, since I couldnt bear laying down, they decided to check me. I was a 9 and -2.
At this point I experienced something I hadnt with my other deliveries. My legs were shaking uncontrollably. I was trying to stop them and focus but they were making my whole body violently shake. Then I was having hot sweats, and cold sweats back and forth!?! It was awful.- Then I made the best decision ever...I asked for a spinal. (Yeah, I know already at a 9 I should have just done it natural. But I seriously had no control with the shaking. It had taken over the show!) The spinal was like magic. The CRNA walks right in, takes a couple mins to give me the shot. I turn over and my legs stopped shaking. I waited for a couple contractions to pass (there was literally NO pain) and I pushed. Crew was out.
From the time I checked in to delivery was 5.5 hrs!!!
My opinion about the SPINAL:
I felt everything, but no pain. I LOVED the spinal. I would highly recommend it. I liked that I progressed fast without the epidural possibly slowing me down. Then at a 9 when you are in the height of the pain, I got just enough to relieve and refocus me. I hated epidurals because you may have no ability to push, possible slowed progress, a catheter, hot spots, etc.
Not with the spinal...LOVED IT! I was up walking around less than 2 hours later. It was great!

Anyway as for his name. We had several in mind. My friend has a little boy named Crew and I really thought it was cute (thanks Holly). But, I felt it may get to trendy and backed off it for a while. Then I had second thoughts and kept it on the list. We know its not everyones cup of tea. But, in the end, you get to name your own kids, right?! Plus, maybe its been destiny all along...we started this blog in 2007 called the Banzhaf Crew. Now we have a Crew Banzhaf.
Alexander means " Defender of Man". I was obsessed with Alexander the Great as a kid. I did probably 10 different projects and papers on him and his empire during my school years. Plus its a family name on Mike's moms side.

Crew is tiny. So small and beuatiful. I was a little disappointed that he wasnt bigger being that I was huge and 39 plus weeks. But, he is a great little baby and nurses like a champ! He have a feeling he wont be little long. The boys are in love with him. We couldnt be happier. I came home after 24 hrs. I was done being in the hospital and wanted to sleep in my own bed. I have felt great. I honestly cant believe I just had a baby.- Life is great! God is good. Babies are miracles.

New parents get a steak and lobster dinner!
"Look at his tounge mommy!"

Happy Valentines Day

These are the only belly shots I have taken this whole pregnancy. Sorry to make you sick on your valentines. I just thought if I was going to document something, might as well make it fun and paint on some hearts.
I have gained so much weight in this pregnancy. YIKES! You can see, that despite already having a wide nose, my nose spreads when Im pregnant (seriously, when I asked, my OB confirmed that this does happen to people). YUCK!
Can you tell Im ready to pop. Any day now. Any day. My prediction: Friday Feb 18th.
We will see...

6 years old!

Today is Z & T's Birthday. I cant believe they are 6 years old! Its bitter sweet in many ways.
Since they are my oldest children, it seems like they have just always been there. Looking back, I realize how quick the time really has gone. They are growing up and maturing faster than I would like. They were such fun little babies. Having two was hard at times. I think I was just so grateful to have them at all, I tried to focus on the good moments instead of the bad.
I have to admit, I had alot of help. My mom and mother-in-law were so good to give me much needed advice and help. I love these little monsters!

Z & T are as different as day and night. I dont know how its possible to share the same genes and uterus and be so completely polar, but they are. Zach is my sweets, while Tanner is my salty. Zach loves Orange, Tanner loves Blue. Zach is completely dependant on others to have fun, Tanner can play by himself for hours. Z loves all things trendy, T just doesnt care about anything too much. Z is high strung, T is low maintainace. They are too funny.I think the amazing thing is, that is alot like Mike and I. Opposites attract and sometimes work better together than being a clone of yourself. They just fit together. They are best friends. They are my best friends. I dont know what I would do without them. They are my world.







We had a little friends party on Saturday for them at our park. Everyone seemed to have a great time. If it werent for this forgetful brain of mine these days, it may have been just perfect. The party foul was mine, I forgot to bring forks for the cake. It didnt seem to bother the kids. They just picked up thier cake with their hands. Opps!















Happy Birthday my sweethearts!
We love you always and forever

Guess What?...

We are closing on our new home on FEB 17th! WOOHOO. We are really excited. We were told shortsales were a long tedious process and we were prepared for that. However, we put the offer in right before Christmas and we are closing before the end of Feb.
UNHEARD OF!!
The house is over an hour away from where we are now, so the boys will change schools in the middle of the year. This has concerned me as I remember the feeling well of moving alot as a child. I hated being the new kid. They are only in kindergarten and really like making new friends, so we will pray they adjust quickly and get use to the school that will be theirs for some time to come.
The house is in North Peoria. Just 10-15 miles south of Lake Pleasant. Its a fun family house. It does need some work, like new paint in the whole thing (its all green and brown inside for the most part) it needs sprucing up and cleaning and a fence around the pool. Im really excited to have my own pool, but even more excited that my community also has a waterpark with slides and several pools and kiddie areas. I'm really looking forward to unpacking the boxes that have been in storage for the past 9 months. Plus just having some personal space from the kids will be nice. The house we have been renting is under 2000/sq ft. This house will almost double our space, its 5 bed 3.5 bath 3700/sq ft. AH, I can use the bathroom without someone dying to use it on the other side of the door and rushing me( I am pregnant people!). Here are a few pictures of the house. I will post more after we moving in and start some of the remodeling projects. Now I just need my mom and the TEXAS/CANADA Staceys to come and decorate it!!!


Entry into the master bedroom (left) and master bath (rt)
Street shot. Im going to put new carriage lights outside. Oh, do I have plans!
Family room off kitchen.
Coming in front door.
Kitchen area

Private/ Updated

Thank you all for sending me your email addresses. I will definately add you when this turns private. I have been solicited by family members to keep it open until my new little man arrives. Just in case great gradmas and grandpas forget how or dont know how to sign in to see pictures.
So...with that in mind, I will hold off for just a little longer before going private.

As far as updates on the baby go:
We have narrowed things down to three names. We each have our preferences but want to see what this little guy looks like before making any announcments. At my 35 week appt I was 50% effaced with no dialation. And he is TRANSVERSE...yuck. Hopefully that will change in the next couple weeks.
. Im tired of being pregnant but want to make sure he can pack on some lbs before arriving. He is measuring in the 50 percentile, so we are sure he wont be too big. Anytime around 38 weeks would be perfect. I would love a baby born on Valentines Day!
We toured the hospital we will deliver at. Its newer, but Im still a little nervous about it. I've heard good and bad reviews. If the tour was any indication of patient care, I will be really sad.
We arrived to a group of people waiting for the tour in the lobby just before 7 pm, the scheduled time. This alone was annoying because they only do 2 tours a month, and they are only at night. Thus, anyone with children had to get a baby sitter since it was bedtime and children under 12 werent allowed on the floor. Anyway- we wait for about 15 min, when a man with a wife who had been on bedrest for 3 months, gets up and goes to the intercom. He explains that they along with others are waiting for a 7pm tour and its been 15 min with no acknowledgment from staff. His wife is sitting in a wheel chair with cervical issues, and needs to get home ASAP. Could they hurry things along. The nurse says she will send someone and that is that.
7:30 rolls around and still, we have seen no one. Assuming they are very busy, I stand and gently remind them that we are all still waiting (most of us, some people were already mad and left). A postpartum nurse sticks her head out and tells us how busy they are and someone will be there shortly. After another 5-10 min a woman comes to greet us. She explains that she is just a surgical tech for the C-section team, but will give us a brief tour of the floor. As we walk we see very little action and hardly any people. The nurses stations are full of nurses sitting and talking, laughing and eating.-The tech tells us how things vary at this hosptial from feast to famine with deliveries. We ask about that evening and she tells us how they arent busy...REALLY?!?!
I pass the postpartum desk and see the nurses chatting. Wow...really working your butts off girls!
Seemed very laid back. No WIFi, the cafeteria closes at 6 and they dont like to take babies to the nursery at night, if they can help it. Rooming in is prefered.- Blah, Blah, Blah.
Im hoping my stay is better than I am imagining it will be. I should have toured the hospital first, then picked my doc based on the hospital.:)
Anyway--heres to counting down this pregnancy. Im ready to breath again.

Keeping our fingers Crossed!

We made an offer on a short sale back in December. Its up to the bank now. Could be a while, but if all goes well, we may have a home in the next few months. I CANT WAIT!
Here is a picture of the thing Im looking forward to the most with this house.
Its backyard and pool!