How's That?

First off, let me say that this post is a rant. I will blame it on post partum blues but really, I am just in a really difficult place in life right now. So this is where I will vent.



1. I moved with a two week old baby. Sounds easy right? Wrong. Couldn't lift a finger to carry my own belongings or have a free second to help unload, unpack or organize the house. Every second is spent nursing, changing or holding a baby. And if it the brief second that he has a nap, my other 3 boys need attention. They are constantly asking me to do something for them. So, here I sit amidst the mess of boxes and scratched furniture unable to do much.

2. I have NO clothes to wear. Not that I have anywhere to go. I know not a single person. Church is calling me, but I dont have a single non maternity item to wear to church. Im stuck inside all day because I am totally embarrassed to be seen in public. Im not exaggerating here people.
The fact of the matter is, I threw away half my wardrobe before I left PA. Tons of it was clothing that I had in high school, or college stuff that was trashed. So, I did the clean out before we moved across the country and here I sit, looming triple digit weather in sight, and not a single pair of shorts to wear. Even if I hadnt just had a baby.
Furthermore, my hair hasnt been colored so Im half blonde and looking disgusting. So, I sit in the dark of this homes overly chocolate colored walls and feel sad all day. Sounds great right?

3. I have spent 200 dollars this month on Dr's visits and nebulizer medications for Tanner and Asher who both have Bronchitis and chronic coughing. Its been fun to be giving my money to doctors who need it so badly.

4. Asher who was doing well at using the bathroom, has regressed with the new baby and move. He now refuses to tell anyone he needs to go. So, back to diapers for him, since I cant function with this new baby suckling me to death all day. He will be three the end of April and I am feeling like a failure as a mother.

5. My new house is a diamond in the rough. Let me emphasise the word ROUGH! We moved in, knowing there was a little work and found out that there was LOTS of work. The house is filthy. I dont think the prior owners ever cleaned the grout in the tile, the carpets, dusted a fan or cleaned out a cabinet, cut the grass, pulled a weed, or trimmed a hedge. Its awful. Not to mention the hidden treats of finding out that the dishwasher isnt working properly, the pool is dirty and struggling, the doors dont shut right, the toilets dont flush properly, the showers are strange, the house smells funny, some of the lights dont work, etc... I could list a thousand things. Cant they allow a person who is buying a house to sleep in it just 1 night before closing? Then you would know some of this stuff. And I would have ran like hell from this house. Although, given the market, I would have found the same thing in nearly all of the short sales.These people stopped doing basic maintenance when they got an offer on the home.
Im just disappointed cuz I had very little money for repairs and now I have none. The house had no blinds so we had to spend a couple thousand dollars just to get blinds ordered. (is it strange that I wouldn't want the neighbors to see me nursing my baby in my room, or showering in my bathroom or watching TV in my garments? :)
So, that leaves ZERO for a new couch (which we need), ZERO for the new clothes I really do need so that I can live outside my home, ZERO for the new toilets we need, ZERO for the new dryer I need, since mine stopped the other night right after we moved in. ZERO for the lawnmower we have to buy. And ZERO for the few other things that HAVE to be done. (yes, I know the difference between needs and wants).

6. Kindergarten here is a joke. We moved here because the schools were ranked so high. Teachers are ranked as some of the best in the state. What we didnt know is that to enroll in all day kindergarten here you must pay for it. YEP, thats at the cost of 350 a month for me!
No wonder the teachers want to teach in this district, they make good money. It feels like economic segregation in the public schools. Not to mention educational blackmail.- they will give you a "good" public education if you pay, otherwise you get 2.5 hours of free school ( yes that is what they call "half day") that you are required by the state to attend. Even though its totally inconvenient (8-10:45) and makes the parent do alot of teaching at home anyway with homework supplements and handouts. There are 3 classes of full day kids only 1 of the half day. They dont get to do anything together based on their schedules. The office explained to me that it was "cheaper than daycare". WHAT? I thought they were getting an educational foundation started, not babysitting. DUMB!!!

Im thinking of writing a letter to the neighborhood:
--

Dear new neighbor,
We just moved in from Pennsylvania. Lucky you! We have four boys who love to scream and throw things around our backyard. If you find one of our balls please throw it back into the jungle that is supposed to be lovely landscaped bushes and trees. We will get to those as soon as the hundreds of scorpions migrate south.The prior owners liked the crickets chirping them to sleep at night, so they discontinued pest control over a year ago. At least you wont have many flies in your yard this summer, the black widows in our yard will keep them at bay.
We are Mormon, and you may think that means we dont believe in electricity so, we will take advantage of your ignorance and tell you that is why our clothes are drying on a line in the backyard ( really its because our dryer broke).We will be using the pool as our bathtub, since we cant afford a new water heater for this mistreated home. We cant afford the cooling bills that are sure to be sizable this summer since the prior owners took all the ceiling fans and screens off the windows. Plus 3700 sq ft is alot to cool in 115 degrees. You are sure to see us rotating our children through the van throughout the night to use the AC when the nights are particularly hot in the next few months. Please ignore the fat woman in white, running from the house to the garage on those nights.
We will also let you assume that we are "plain people" and dont buy our clothes at commerical stores. This should explain why mother of our family looks the way she does. Yes, she feels that good inside too!
All this should explain why our 6 year olds dont know your 6 year olds...we cant afford kindergarten so they have been thrown into the half day program at the elementary. As you know, this limits their social interactions with your "privileged" children. Therefore, we wont be invited to any of the social gatherings that would give us the opportunity to meet you in person.

Please know this letter is not to discourage you from leaving donations such as used clothing, food or other items on our porch. Clearly, we are in need of your sympathy and charity. Warmest Wishes.
Sincerely, the B Family -


Hows That?

Ok, enough of my complaining. I have no friends here, so this blog is as good as it gets for just talking to someone about my frustrations. Hopefully, you wont judge me to harshly. We all have issues. Everyones boo boo hurts. I do realize Im blessed with the things that matter most.

And oh how they put up with me during this time!!!!

I just wish money grew on trees. Publisher Clearing House can knock on my door anytime now with the gigantic check. Maybe some philanthropist named me heir to their fortune (or even just a couple thousand to fix this house up). Or, maybe a quarter stuck in a machine would ring in the jackpot for us. Darn reality!!