Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Happy Days

***WARNING: Lots of pictures!***
There has been a long break in between posts. Some of these are delayed in the dates, but for record sake, I will post them anyway.

Fall Break finally arrived. Wasnt very fall-ish, here in Arizona. We still had temps in the 100's to high 90's. It truly is miserable here! To my relief, there is a light at the end of this hot, terrible tunnel. We are only 6 hours from Disneyland and the beach!
We packed up the kids and headed to Anaheim for a couple days. It was so nice to get a break from the heat wave. It was also nice to have my brother Neal, join us from Utah. Having three adults and three kids made the trip so much better. We had one set of eyes to watch each child, and no one had to wait for others to ride a ride, or sit alone.

Here are some photos of our day at Newport Beach. I was surprised that the water was still warm enough to get in an swim. Not that the water on the Pacific is every really WARM, but in October?!? It was very nice!









Next day was DISNEYLAND! Oh, I love that place. Even as an adult it makes me happy.

Because its not easy to hide my big belly anymore, I clearly wasn't allowed to ride any of the big roller coasters (Splash Mountain, Matterhorn, Space Mt, or Thundermountain). Since Asher isn't tall enough, he and I found other fun things to do in the kiddie sections. Mike, Neal and the twins had their run of all the fun "older kid" rides.
Zachary and Tanner both said their favorite rides were Pirates and Indiana Jones. I thought I.J. was pretty grown up for them. They are my thrill seekers, so it didn't surprise me. There is a funny story here about Zachary. Earlier in the day they went to get in line for Indiana Jones and he was told he was too short. He was only 1 inch shy of the height, and Tanner was just right. He was devastated. He cried non stop.And I didn't really know how to explain that Tanner could go, but he couldn't. I certainly didn't want to punish Tanner and not let him on. It was the one ride they had been dying to get on! Later in the day, Mike decided to be sneaky and get fast passes to get on, in hopes that they could walk right on and not get measured. As they approached the entrance again, they picked on Zach to be measured. It was dark inside and for some reason Zach measured up and was let on. Mike assumed there was some discrepancies in the sticks. Meanwhile, Neal was giggling. As they went to get into the jeeps, Zach was asked to be measured again!! Mike thought "DANG, we aren't getting on this thing". Once again, Zach approached the stick and measured up. Neal couldn't contain himself any longer. When they were out of ear shot Neal said that Zachary had been walking on his tiptoes the whole time. He figured out on his own that if he wanted to get on the ride, he would have to make himself taller. Outside the ride Zach was proud and whispered to Mike "Daddy, I was walking on my tiptoes so I could get on!"- What a sneak!

Tanner getting measured.

Zach being told he is too small. Sad boy!

I think the highlights of my day were seeing all the boys get pulled into the parade and dancing with Donald Duck and Chip and Dale. Seeing their excitement during each ride. Watching the FANTASMIC show, and hearing them ooh and awe over the fireworks. They were all really good. Especially Asher, who loved every ride and was patient in the lines. He LOVED the fireworks. He has talked about them endlessly since we've been home. He has been singing "Its a small world" everywhere we go. He got a round of applause in line at Walmart for his solo performance of it.
Great memories, Great times. Love these boys!



























Even Flat Stanley Joined us!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Update

Before I was married, I dreamed about what my family would be like. How many kids would I have, what would they look like, where would we live, etc.

After 3 boys, I was still waiting to have a daughter. Im not sure why it mattered so much in my head. The prospect at sharing my love for music, dance, singing, piano, and other things of the dominantly female brain, were things I wanted to share with a child.
Inside, I knew that odds were not good for a girl. The cards just didnt seem to be in my favor. Still, I hoped.

I prepared myself for another boy.This is our last I thought,thinking that maybe that would change the outcome. I thought it would be news that would be more appreciated on the day of arrival than 4 months in advance. I wanted to wait and not find out the gender. Mike however, does not like to wait. He was determined to know. Today was the day. And as expected, we are having another boy.

To be honest, I had the same reaction with Asher. I was fine on the outside, but struggled to keep in the tears. Disappointment ruined my day.

Sure, I know I should be grateful for a healthy baby. Which I am.
I should be grateful to have any kids at all. Which I am.
I should have told Mike suck it up and deal with waiting, so I wouldnt be mad at him for demanding to know. Which I am.
I knew the odds favored a male. They did.
I should not have put all my hopes into this last baby to be a female. Unfortunately, I did.
I should be happy I got to see my baby on the screen. I am not. I wished I had waited.

I just feel like I have nothing to give boys. Sure, I can be a good mother. I just dont feel like I can share who I am with them very well. Guys just dont get that girly stuff. The dream of dance lessons and dresses, pony tails and wedding gowns, barbies and boyfriends....its gone.
I would be lying if I said I wasnt writing this with tears streaming. Tomorrow will be better.
Another boy will be loved just as much. But today, just for today, Im sad.