I woke up this morning. Stood in the shower for a long time. Trying to rid myself of the disgusting feeling of FAT. Seriously, I feel yucky. I know, I know, people say you are lovely and glowing when you are pregnant. That must be everyone but me. I just feel gross.
After drowning my skin in lotions and scents, I stood there looking at myself in the mirror.
In my kangaroo pouch garments. In the enormous parachute they call a bra. Staring at the face with triple chins and dry patches. Looking at the roots of my hair that need color so badly.
I wondered "what the heck happened to me"?
Im still in here somewhere.
Under the rolls and stretch marks. Still trying to breathe as my lungs creep into my esophagus. Sweating like a sinner in church all day and night, even in 50 degree weather.
Im still in here, right?
Then, after 5 minutes of just taking it all in, I decided to do something to see, if I was still me.
I put my ipod headphones on. Turned on some Enrique Inglesia ("Baby I like it") and tried to Zumba in my bathroom like I was teaching my class again. Half naked. With a huge gut. With dimpled thighs and back fat shaking.
It was scary to watch. Strangely, it made me feel better. I can still shake my jelly rolls. I can still laugh at myself. Im still in here...
SOMEWHERE
2 comments:
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. I find myself wondering what happened to that somewhat cute girl I used to see in the mirror...she has been replaced by an overweight, bad-skin, bad hair, can't wear anything crabby, slightly more pot-bellied-everyday girl. I can't even get up the energy to go for a walk. You Zumba your heart out with or without clothes!!
I LOVE this post, Eden.
Post a Comment